Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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