If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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