Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
