took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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