he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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