you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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