Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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