My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
