I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
