So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
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just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
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I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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