Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
