remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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