please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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