I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
