I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
