It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
