i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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