btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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