wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
