i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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