Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
