his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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