So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
