dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
