oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
