Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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