Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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