The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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