i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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