if i can run in heels then i can drive
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
