Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
