im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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