He asked to "fluff my boner.."
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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