forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
