So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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