I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
