I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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