I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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