I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
