My Higher Power is John Stamos
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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