I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
