don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
A bitchslap is in order.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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