this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I intend to get homeless drunk
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
