I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
