We're like a lot better than the average bears
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
