even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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