apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
why does every cop we meet know your name?
God, I missed his penis.
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