He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is Oprah even human
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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