Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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