Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
