I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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