I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
