I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
