I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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