Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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