dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
