Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
