she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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