i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
