i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
