I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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