Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
