A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
