Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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