Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
