what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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