my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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