I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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