I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
