You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
