she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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