You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
