if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
