Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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