I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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