can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
