Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
